Making Friends as an Adult.

I found myself deep in thought, while sipping my coffee, waiting on a dear friend at our local weekend coffee spot. The thoughts deep like the swirls of whipped topping and caramel mixing with my coffee were about making friends as an adult. Let’s go one more step more and add to the complications of that… making friends. as an adult. while living abroad. I feel that in high school or even college for that matter while they are preparing you for the “real world”, they should be instructing on real world issues such as when you take that gigantic leap outside of your safety blanket (your hometown or surrounding area) what you may find yourself feeling.

I know, I know… the world’s tinniest violin is playing for me right this second. I’ll take this second to have a small (but respectful) pity party for myself, then we’ll get to moving on with this post.

2013 proved to be one of the more challenging years for me in my adult life. However during those challenges, I met an acquaintance of a friend that turned into a dear friend, a sister for life. Unfortunately, I know all to well that she is only abroad temporarily and will be moving on in the next few months. I’ll always remember a wise family member saying that quality over quantity will matter when you are an adult. At the time I remember thinking, yeah sure… then gloating about all of the “friends” that I had on my Myspace page (Don’t try to deny it..you know you had a Myspace page too). Now my 20 something self is understanding just how true that family member’s statement was. As a child, my grandparents told me that I could be-friend anyone, anywhere. The public pool, yep had a random swim buddy, the playground, yep had a tag or jungle gym pal, high-school, yep some bad gal pals and good gal pals, college, yep crazy but fun housemates. Truly I have been blessed to have met some amazing friends along the way and share equally amazing memories with each of them too.

However, over the past few years, let’s say the past three, I haven’t had the best of luck making friends since we moved abroad. I blame it on my mostly on my work schedule, and maybe partially on the fact that I have turned a bit anti-social. And introvert-ish. I’ll digress. Some of the first “friends” I made when we moved abroad turned out to be a group of ladies that belonged to a church group. Sound choice, right? Wrong…some of these women made me feel so insecure with myself. Constantly judging my knowledge of religion, my life, masking me with this toxic vibe, etc. Isn’t that comical? Ladies of the church! But at the time I couldn’t see it… Then I snapped out of it and distanced myself. I made the decision that I really longed for quality over quantity. I think that is where the fuel was added to the fire.

Don’t misunderstand my words, Mr. B and I have some great couple friends, most of them with kids too. (Apparently we are freaks for not having one by now). Ooops. Kidding! They are outstanding and we love their kids too!

So how does one make quality friends? Sometimes I wonder if I am sending out the wrong vibe? Hmm.. Really, what is the right vibe to attract quality?

Although…side note…I did take a gigantic leap and branch out last month. Yes, I made random conversation with a woman while she bundled up her baby, about politics outside of the grocery store. We ended up exchanging Facebook names and are “friends”(our generations most acceptable way to socialize, right?) Since that first encounter, almost every time I run into the grocery store to grab something we bump into one another. We talk eggplant, holidays, serious grocery chatter. This most recent encounter we actually took a step forward and decided to make a plan to meet up for coffee soon. Hopefully I do not let her down by not being able to uphold my end of conversation about breastfeeding, the homeschool, private, or public school decision. You know, whatever all of you cool moms talk about over coffee. We will see.

So…. there it is just in time for my coffee dates arrival too. I’d love to hear your thoughts.

Backpackbees

17 comments

  1. I’m happy to have a one best friend that I’ve know since 3rd grade. We don’t see or talk to each other all the time but when we do it’s like we never spent time apart. Hope your coffee date went well!

    1. Yes, I agree Grisely. It’s that one friend you’ve had since childhood that no matter how much time passes, or how far you move away from one another, when you get back together you pick right back up where you left off. I too am blessed with two of these friends in my life. :)

  2. You were thinking about becoming friends with “crazy town” I know you were. Lol jk. I am so lucky to call you and Larry my friends and I know Jilly is so lucky to have to have both of you. All you need is a few great friends in life anything on top of that is gravy. Live you

  3. Indeed difficult when living abroad. I found myself recently walking down the stairs, after a yoga class, following the other girls and feeling like yelling please wait for me, I want to be your friend ;-) Weird. It felt like being back at school!!

      1. Living abroad is about ups and downs, but so is life ;-) I have (surprisingly) become very zen in the recent years. Even my husband cannot believe my new character.
        Let’s hope this state of mind continues :-)

  4. I really wish we got to hang out more when we lived in Korea. I am now realizing that as an adult having friends requires initiative to actually meet and stuff – it was so effortless as a kid! I guess maybe we now overthink it nowadays? Ha!

    1. I do too! There isn’t a day that goes by where I don’t think of how much we miss you guys. We should have met up more for coffee dates or dinner or just ANYTHING! Come back pleaseeee. ;)

      1. Well, you should better move here ;) But yes, we keep on reminding ourselves about all the fun we had with you guys, Miller Time night, karaoke and typhoon party (“I have points, more than you! But not as many as Larry!”). I am really glad that we at least stayed with you guys at the end, it was definitely the best end to our stay in Korea that we could dream of!

  5. This is hands down one of the hardest things. I love Paris profoundly, but I miss my friends. Just keep the random conversations happening, and one day something good will come out of it.

    1. Thank you for the advise. I am learning every day something new about myself. I feel like these are thoughts you have when you still live in your hometown, never to move away… just in a different form. Adulthood sometimes is for the birds. LOL.

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